The good thing about indecisive doctors is you don’t have to go anywhere to get a second opinion.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 1, 2015
Buying vowels when you aren’t on a gameshow is a huge waste of money.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 29, 2015
It’s hard to tell your bro you think his story is cool without sounding like a dick.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 8, 2016
I bet scientists get really embarrassed when they think they found a black hole but they just left the lens cap on.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 4, 2015
Something tells me this year Gillette will make its most advanced razor yet
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) February 5, 2016
I don’t have bad credit it’s just misunderstood
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) October 5, 2015
When people say theyre marrying their best friend its like whoa does your fiancee know about this?
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) October 28, 2015
I always have the last laugh because it takes me a minute to get it
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) March 8, 2016
I wonder if monsters have an energy drink called Human.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) November 20, 2015
It’s hard to talk about drinking Kool-Aid without people thinking you’re referring to being brainwashed.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 3, 2015
I don't think anyone in this biker gang knows where we're going.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 12, 2015
All these people in the bouncy castle are like half my size.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 16, 2015
Tried paying my landlord in RTs but he doesn't accept social currency.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) December 19, 2015
No no no that’s not what mansplaining is. Here let me break it down for you again
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 3, 2016
I’m all for gun control just a little worried about how we’ll know when the race is starting.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 8, 2016
If nothing good happens after 2AM then how do you explain the Super Turbo Salad Shaker for 3 easy payments of $19.95?
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 9, 2016
“You’re not my real Chad!”
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 13, 2016
-Me to my step-Chad
Electrons must get sick of all that negative energy
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 14, 2016
This focus group for people with ADHD isn’t going very well.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 15, 2016
If these OshKosh B'Gosh models are doing so well why do they still live with their parents
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 16, 2016
Dog parks are a great place to pick up poops
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 27, 2016
My girlfriend has terrible crow’s feet but I knew what i was getting into when i started dating a bird.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 27, 2016
*Points out typo in your long, heartfelt Facebook post*
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) January 29, 2016
Suicide is never the answer unless the question is what’s it called when you kill yourself
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) February 10, 2016
Actually, do sugarcoat it. That sounds delicious.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) August 29, 2015
Sprints are good but marathons are better in the long run.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) September 24, 2015
Before your life flashes before your eyes you have to watch a geico ad
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) September 7, 2015
Congratulations to the summer interns who got promoted to fall interns.
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) September 1, 2015
Hey Arnold’s mom definitely died during childbirth
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) August 30, 2015
Obesity is overweighted
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) August 4, 2015
Kill them with kindness? But mom that’s... murder
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) August 2, 2015
Strippers undress for the job they want
— Mike Latshaw (@damakattack) July 23, 2015